Engraved Invitation

Consider this yours :)

The link to my new site is :

http://lifeslaundry.blogs.com

I won't be posting any more entires here.
If you have me linked anywhere - be sure to update with the correct information.

So you can't say that you weren't invited or that you didn't get an engraved invitation :)

See you there.

The Only Thing That Stays the Same is Change

One of the things that I've really been concentrating on this afternoon is how people handle change. Don't ask me how, in the middle of everything going on with the baptism and a house full of guest, that I am preoccupied with how people deal with change.

Perhaps it has to do with this morning being the only morning so far for the past 10 days that I did not get on my treadmill. Or maybe it has to do with me getting riled up because my family isn't making my exercise time easy or the fact that I have to set boundaries for the area where the treadmill is positioned. Me exercising daily is a huge "change" for my family. Truth be told, its a huge change for me too. Taking responsibility for my physical condition requires assertiveness on my part and when we are assertive in ways that we weren't previously - it requires change. People are threatened by change.

My therapist helped me years ago to see that others will not react well to my initiation of change. I should expect any or all of the following reactions or behavior:

• Shame - That's not like you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
• Guilt - What would your mother say if she heard you talking like that? Don't you know better than to do/say/think that?
• Minimization - It's not really that bad. Why are you making such a big deal over this?
• Defensiveness - It's all your fault! Well if you hadn't done so and so then I wouldn't have had to....
• Put Off or Delaying Tactics - Why don't we talk about this some other time?
• Put Down - You are an idiot, dumb ass, moron, stupid
• Threats - If you don't keep your ideas to yourself, I am going to leave/loose it/scream
• Pouting - Well, if THAT'S the way you feel......
• Humor - Come on now and be a good little girl
• Change the subject - Did you hear what was on the news today?
• Denial - It wasn't like that and you know it, you are imagining things
• Flattery - I think you're cute when you are angry
• Overload - Give you what you ask for times 10 to make it so difficult that you just give up
• ______________ Fill in the blank.

Do you recognize any of these behaviors in your system? I keep this list for times when I'm feeling vulnerable or insecure in my assertiveness and need to change. It helps me to keep a better perspective. I can be assertive without being aggressive or destructive. The most important thing for me to remember is that change is going to affect everyone in a system. Others will have to make adjustments and that never comes easy for people. I have learned to expect the above mentioned behaviors when I try to change. I've come to expect others to try and get me to behave as I have in the past because when I do that for them, I become predictable and meet their needs to have things stay the same.

I've also come to recognize the above behaviors in those conversations with myself. You know the ones where you can talk yourself out of a good or healthy idea or habit. I often refer to these conversations as "stinkin thinkin"...... The ones where you can think of all the reasons why something won't work as opposed to the one reason why it might? Or should.

A very special person (VSP) clued me into something Saturday that promoted all this rationalization. She said, "People respond in relationships out of love or fear." Those who know me know that I can think the blood from a turnip and this is no different so I got to thinking about how her statement is so true and real in my life.

In my previous life - the one where I was married to the nincompoop - all my responses were made out of fear. I see the same feelings with my family/parent's growing up. I was afraid of a lot, mostly not being accepted or loved. In my present life - most of my responses are made out of love. I also realized today that occasionally, I respond in fear and have made a mental note to consistently avoid this kind of response. They say that being aware of something is the first step to changing it. I must be on my way.

Speaking of change.....its'a coming.

I will be moving within the next 15 days to typepad blogging. I am working on the design and setup now. I did some searching and I discovered that I can share the blogs that I am reading and do it with ease, plus I have a LOT more options for design and things that I'd like to add to my blog and the best part is that they have WYSIWYG type editing. When I have it ready to launch - I'll post the url here and you all are invited to the grand opening. I'm keeping the Life's Laundry title because it really suits me and what I'm doing here.

I already realize that I'm addicted to blogging. I make no apologies. The only guilt that I feel is that I didn't discover this medium sooner and that I wasted so much time because I felt like I couldn't be as good as other people. I just needed to realize that I can be myself and that will be good enough. I've changed already through blogging.

Have you experienced any of the above responses in your life with change that you've tried to initiate? Are you responding to people out of love or fear?

The Calm Before The Storm

This time tomorrow morning, my quiet and immaculately @@ de cluttered home will be mangled and ripping the road at 90 mph.

I'm sitting here, gathering my thoughts for the day and I noticed that there's no sound within my ear except the goo and gurgle of my 12 week old daughter. I love that sound, its so soothing and nurturing to me.

I love the stillness of the morning on my deck where I sit and listen to the birds as they call out to me saying, "Thank you for restocking our feeder." More often than not, our 3 cats will rub up against my leg and I know if Bumper could talk, he would say to me, "Get off your ass woman and give me my breakfast." It is during this time when I try and be "still" and listen to what I need to hear. This morning, it was peace and quiet.

Later today, I'll be armpit deep in the kitchen baking my famous Red Velvet Cake and some Banana Nut Bread made with Splenda (for the 3 diabetic members of our family). This morning, I'll cross of things on my list, I'll get my nails done, I'll pay a trip to the grocery store and I'll visit the chiropractor for an adjustment. I won't stop the whole day. I'm ready.

By bedtime tonight, our house will be bursting at the seams with 8 more people. My parents, my sister and her husband and three daughters, and my grandmother are all coming for the christening tomorrow. We'll all laugh at the entertaining things that the children do when they are together. I'll be cognizant of the fact that we all try and out talk each other. We'll listen to my sister's youngest daughter tell us to tell my son to 'stop touching her'. I'll respond a hundred times with the question, "Are you reporting or tattling?" Then we'll go through the scenario that we always do when deciding where the AeroBeds are going and who is sleeping where. Things will be crazy and it will be just like a circus (or worse).

I'll love it for the first few hours and then I'll be tired of it, having all my energies used up because I'll be preoccupied with tomorrows church service and christening, the luncheon afterwards that we are hosting in our home for about 20+ guest, how we're going to figure out who gets a shower tonight or in the morning and how we are going to get all the sleeping stuff picked up and put away and the house ready for when we come home from church with those 20+ people. I won't have to do all the work, but we all know that I'll have to manage it and be the "gatekeeper." It's the same difference sometimes.

Tomorrow morning, we'll all be scurrying around trying to get ready, the girls cringing because their hair has tangles and they'll be more interested in playing than getting ready. Their mom will scream at them but not carry through with her threats. We'll go thru 2 gallons of milk (with chocolate syrup) and I'll leave at 9:50 am for the church regardless of who is ready and who isn't. (worrying like crazy at what condition the house will be when I return)

Yep, it will be a madhouse......starting in 30 minutes and lasting for about 36 hours.

But for now, the calm is with me and I breathe it in like rationed oxygen. I take a sip of my coffee, pick up my exercise towel, shoes, and the baby monitor and go back inside where my day awaits me.

The calm is behind me and while I loved it - this is one storm that I'm looking forward to.